management coach Archives

When we were very small, identifying the bully on the playground was easy. They were the ones the other kids were running away from. As we entered junior high and into high school, it was a bit more challenging but no less impossible. They were the Mean Girls (or boys) who left the crumbled self-esteem of their classmates in their wake as they walked the school halls. As adults, workplace bullies are just as prevalent. In the case of working for a bully boss, it is hard to identify easily, as you interview with someone for maybe an hour or two, and accept the job thinking they seemed nice, committed, and professional. You start the job with high hopes, and slowly realize that the Pollyanna that you interviewed with is, in fact, Attila the Hun.

According to the Workplace Bulling Institute, “bullying is a systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction that jeopardizes your health, your career, the job you once loved. Bullying is a non-physical, non-homicidal form of violence and, because it is violence and abusive, emotional harm frequently results. You may not be the first person to have noticed that you were bullied.” Their 2014 study on bullying found that:

27% have current or past direct experience with abusive conduct at work
72% of the American public are aware of workplace bullying
Bosses are still the majority of bullies
72% of employers deny, discount, encourage, rationalize, or defend it

It has happened to me twice, and I would have thought that I was not a bully’s mark. While a schoolyard bully will target those they perceive to be weak, I am a leader, social, and competent. I am outspoken, and not afraid to stand my ground. It turns out that my profile, according to the Workplace Bulling Institute, is exactly what an adult bully targets, because in reality they are threatened, insecure, and jealous.

Bully Boss A was maniacal, verbally abusive, and would ask for one thing and then scream at me when I delivered the results, insisting she had asked for something else. If I took vacation, she would assign huge projects two days prior, telling me that if I did not complete the work, I was not allowed to leave. It was like working inside an active volcano. At least I did not take it personally, as she was public in her bullying, did it to most of us, and her entire senior management team left within four months of each other when we collectively decided that the situation was intolerable.

Bully Boss B operated in a subtler but no less sinister manner, conducting her psychological warfare in one-on-one meetings in private conference rooms or scathing emails. While I had great success in the role, she would constantly question my process, telling me it was not how she would do it. When I would ask for suggestions, she would wrinkle her nose, sneer at me, and tell me that I was too stupid to figure it out, yet in front of the rest of the team would say that I was doing a fantastic job and that they could learn a lot from me. Two days after one of my best friends died unexpectedly, Bully Boss #2 informed me that my mourning had better not interfere with my work (truly, she should be afraid of the bad karma from that comment alone). Veteran employees told me that she always had a target, to be patient, and that eventually it would fizzle out. When I stood up for myself in our private meetings and pushed back, she would beat a hasty retreat (as bullies do when confronted), saying that I was good at my job, she loved the quality of my work, and I needed to stop being so sensitive, but soon it would start up again, as cycles of abuse do.

Eventually, a dear friend sat me down and encouraged me to resign, with the advice that life is too short and I had too much to offer. It was affecting my relationships, my health, and my happiness. I was weepy, twitchy, and in a constant state of panic. To escape quickly, I found two consulting roles to keep me engaged while figuring out my next move. Sadly, during my notice period, I saw that she had moved on from me and found another target, the newest person on the team. Bullies certainly have patterns.

The advice to leave was some of the best I have ever received, because I was never going to change her, and the only way to protect my own sanity was to remove myself from that toxic situation. If you are in a situation with a Bully Boss, get out as soon as possible. You did nothing to cause it and do not deserve this pain. Trust me, there are plenty of well-adjusted, wonderful bosses out there who will value you and your contributions.

Cindy Joyce is the CEO of Pillar Search & HR Consulting. Pillar provides national executive search services for exceptional non-profits and foundations and socially responsible for-profit firms desiring top talent who want an occupassion, not just an occupation. In addition, Pillar offers human resources consulting services including leadership coaching, human resources audits, handbooks, assessing organizational design, training, team building, and employee communications. A woman-owned business, Pillar is based in Boston, MA, and works on both the local and national level. For more information, please visit www.pillarsearch.com or email Cindy at cindy@pillarsearch.com.

Remember the fabulous show Will & Grace? For those who were not privy to it, the show ran from the late 1990’s through 2005. Based in New York, it followed the lives of best friends. Grace Adler, a woman who ran her own interior design firm had an assistant, Karen Walker, a very rich, oft-drunk socialite. Karen made no bones about the job being a hobby for her, which resulted in some very funny moments. My personal favorite Karen-ism?

Grace Adler: Karen, I don’t want a check. I want assistance. I’m the boss. I give you checks.

Karen Walker: Yes, you do, honey, and I love them. I do. You know, I keep them all right here in this box.

While TV can show the hilarity of treating a job like a hobby, in real life it’s anything but. I’ve worked with two clients this year alone who were struggling with how to work with an employee who treated their job with a nonchalant, devil-may-care, laisez-faire attitude.

While I understand that everyone has a different tolerance for stress and some can make everything seem like a breeze, the Karen Walker employee is toxic because they do the bare minimum and seemingly flaunt it in the face of their boss and colleagues. They skim that line of acceptable performance, but seem to pull far enough away from underperforming at the last minute that it keeps them employed for far too long.

The cost you expect? Other employees. The Wills and Graces of the organization, the ones with actual passion for their job and a strong sense of work ethic. While underperformers can harm morale, the Karens pour gasoline on the culture you have tried so hard to build, and then slowly burn it.

The cost that may surprise you? It takes a huge toll on your brand and worth as a leader. People will wonder if you are either aware of their bad behavior and lack the guts to do anything about it, or if you are too clueless to notice.

Nip it in the bud. In the case of my two clients, they hired me to do coaching with each of their Karen Walker employees. The first? In Karen’s words, “Oh honey no, just no.” No amount of coaching, attempts at getting the employee to modify their behavior, recognize the impact on their colleagues, or gaining better understanding the company culture worked. Thankfully, the other person responded well to the coaching and was able to make modifications to their behavior and attitude and is now thriving. If only Grace Adler had hired Pillar Search & HR Consulting!

Beware the Bully Boss

How to Deal With the Karen Walker Employee