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The Dreaded Office Move: 6 Tips for Navigating the Change

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I am excited to have another article on Thrive Global!  Read more about how to handle the dreaded office move on my Thrive page!

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Beware the Bully Boss

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When we were very small, identifying the bully on the playground was easy. They were the ones the other kids were running away from. As we entered junior high and into high school, it was a bit more challenging but no less impossible. They were the Mean Girls (or boys) who left the crumbled self-esteem of their classmates in their wake as they walked the school halls. As adults, workplace bullies are just as prevalent. In the case of working for a bully boss, it is hard to identify easily, as you interview with someone for maybe an hour or two, and accept the job thinking they seemed nice, committed, and professional. You start the job with high hopes, and slowly realize that the Pollyanna that you interviewed with is, in fact, Attila the Hun.

According to the Workplace Bulling Institute, “bullying is a systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction that jeopardizes your health, your career, the job you once loved. Bullying is a non-physical, non-homicidal form of violence and, because it is violence and abusive, emotional harm frequently results. You may not be the first person to have noticed that you were bullied.” Their 2014 study on bullying found that:

  • 27% have current or past direct experience with abusive conduct at work
  • 72% of the American public are aware of workplace bullying
  • Bosses are still the majority of bullies
  • 72% of employers deny, discount, encourage, rationalize, or defend it

It has happened to me twice, and I would have thought that I was not a bully’s mark. While a schoolyard bully will target those they perceive to be weak, I am a leader, social, and competent. I am outspoken, and not afraid to stand my ground. It turns out that my profile, according to the Workplace Bulling Institute, is exactly what an adult bully targets, because in reality they are threatened, insecure, and jealous.

Bully Boss A was maniacal, verbally abusive, and would ask for one thing and then scream at me when I delivered the results, insisting she had asked for something else. If I took vacation, she would assign huge projects two days prior, telling me that if I did not complete the work, I was not allowed to leave. It was like working inside an active volcano. At least I did not take it personally, as she was public in her bullying, did it to most of us, and her entire senior management team left within four months of each other when we collectively decided that the situation was intolerable.

Bully Boss B operated in a subtler but no less sinister manner, conducting her psychological warfare in one-on-one meetings in private conference rooms or scathing emails. While I had great success in the role, she would constantly question my process, telling me it was not how she would do it. When I would ask for suggestions, she would wrinkle her nose, sneer at me, and tell me that I was too stupid to figure it out, yet in front of the rest of the team would say that I was doing a fantastic job and that they could learn a lot from me. Two days after one of my best friends died unexpectedly, Bully Boss #2 informed me that my mourning had better not interfere with my work (truly, she should be afraid of the bad karma from that comment alone). Veteran employees told me that she always had a target, to be patient, and that eventually it would fizzle out. When I stood up for myself in our private meetings and pushed back, she would beat a hasty retreat (as bullies do when confronted), saying that I was good at my job, she loved the quality of my work, and I needed to stop being so sensitive, but soon it would start up again, as cycles of abuse do.

Eventually, a dear friend sat me down and encouraged me to resign, with the advice that life is too short and I had too much to offer.  It was affecting my relationships, my health, and my happiness. I was weepy, twitchy, and in a constant state of panic. To escape quickly, I found two consulting roles to keep me engaged while figuring out my next move. Sadly, during my notice period, I saw that she had moved on from me and found another target, the newest person on the team. Bullies certainly have patterns.

The advice to leave was some of the best I have ever received, because I was never going to change her, and the only way to protect my own sanity was to remove myself from that toxic situation. If you are in a situation with a Bully Boss, get out as soon as possible. You did nothing to cause it and do not deserve this pain. Trust me, there are plenty of well-adjusted, wonderful bosses out there who will value you and your contributions.

Cindy Joyce is the CEO of Pillar Search & HR Consulting. Pillar provides national executive search services for exceptional non-profits and foundations and socially responsible for-profit firms desiring top talent who want an occupassion, not just an occupation.    In addition, Pillar offers human resources consulting services including leadership coaching, human resources audits, handbooks, assessing organizational design, training, team building, and employee communications. A woman-owned business, Pillar is based in Boston, MA, and works on both the local and national level. For more information, please visit www.pillarsearch.com or email Cindy at cindy@pillarsearch.com.

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Providing Support to Employees in a Time of Grief

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When a colleague gets married or has a baby, we have a party. When someone is seriously ill, we send food or flowers. If someone’s job is eliminated, we offer support by way of networking and helping them brush up their resume. But, sadly, sometimes we lose an employee, and there is no playbook for how to handle that. Obituaries do not include that someone has left behind coworkers, but when the worst happens, their coworkers feel the loss in a very real and profound manner, and we need to find better tools to support employee grief. .

The recent tragic deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain got me thinking not only about their family’s suffering, but also their colleagues.  We spend a lot of time at work, and get to know some of our staff and colleagues quite well. It can rock the most resilient among us to our core, both because it is an unwelcome reminder of our mortality and because this person was a constant presence in our lives. As leaders in an organization, we need to create a safe place for people to express their feelings of sadness, loss, and hurt. While there is no perfect answer, here are a few suggestions on how to support your employees when the worst happens.

  • Inform, and do it quickly. An email is a good way to let everyone know at once, but for those who worked very closely with the person, make a personal call or share the news in person. Check with the family to ensure that your level of detail is appropriate to their wishes. Having a communication plan will support a culture of being open and transparent and will help squelch the ugly rumor mill.
  • Have a meeting with the entire team. If yours is a small organization, bring everyone together. Make it optional for employees to attend, as not all will feel comfortable attending, but make it mandatory for leadership to be there. Employees need to know that everyone, especially those at the top, are feeling this loss, and as we know, what happens at the top trickles down. If key leaders are missing, it will send the wrong message.
  • If the person reported to you or someone on your team, or if many of your colleagues worked closely with them, meet with each member of your team one-on-one at least every few days in the beginning. A private meeting gives them an opportunity to share feelings they may not want to express in a larger group, and it will go a long way in building trust.
  • Engage your EAP, and I don’t mean simply handing out their number. Have someone on-site, at least for the first few days so that employees who are struggling or just need to talk it out have that opportunity with a professional grief counselor.
  • Give time off to those who wish to attend any services and be understanding of those who do not attend. People grieve in different ways, so it is important to honor and respect that.
  • If possible, give your team the option of working from home. Some people need alone time to process their feelings.
  • Be empathetic. While some people will process and move on, others, particularly those who were friends with or worked closely with the deceased, will have feelings of sadness for a longer time. Check in with those people who are struggling and offer ongoing support and resources. Keep the EAP’s number handy for those employees who struggle longer-term with the loss or find grief counselors in your area that you can refer them to.
  • When time has passed, do something to honor the employee. I’ve seen this done a lot of wonderful ways, including naming a conference room after them, making a charitable donation if the family had asked for donations in lieu of flowers, establishing a scholarship for a student studying in their field of work, or hosting a volunteer day in their memory. It gives employees an opportunity to come together, celebrate their life, and do something positive in their memory.

It will take time for employees to recover, and while there is no one-size-fits-all approach, taking steps to ensure their well-being in a difficult time can go a long way in their recovery.

With personalized service and proven results, Pillar Search & HR Consulting provides retained executive search services and human resources consulting for exceptional non-profits and socially responsible for-profit firms. A woman-owned business, Pillar is based in Boston, MA, and works on the national level. To learn more about how Pillar can assist with your hiring and human resources needs, please contact Cindy Joyce at cindy@pillarsearch.com.

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Me Too, Too Many Times

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Me Too. Two simple words that, if you are on Facebook or Twitter, you most likely are seeing pop up as the status update on many women’s and men’s pages.

 

Actress Alyssa Milano, in a Twitter post on October 14, shared the idea that anyone who has been sexually harassed or assaulted write the two words – Me Too – with the rationale that the sheer number of us who would do this would show the world just how widespread this issue really is. In two days, hundreds of thousands of us have posted it, and some have shared stories, using the hashtag #myharveyweinstein, to show that this abuse is not limited to Hollywood, industry, or level in one’s career.

 

The revelations about Harvey Weinstein’s deplorable behavior have sparked a movement.  Perhaps we as a culture are FINALLY ready to discuss something that previously we did not share.  Like, really did not share. Last week, amid the shocking stories coming out about Weinstein, my best friends and I were talking and admitted that we had been targeted in the workplace. Keep in mind these are women that have been in my life for nearly twenty years. We know everything about each other…every bit of each other’s history, what our ATM passwords are, where to find each other’s wills should the worst happen. THIS is the one topic we never really delved into, which saddens me. Why do we share everything, even the scariest, darkest corners of our psyche with each other, but feel too ashamed to discuss something that we did nothing to cause?

 

When it happens, you feel completely scared, humiliated, isolated, and guilty. You figure it must have been something you did. You never assume that this is just a hideous human being with predatory behavior. You hide it from everyone, even your very best friends. ,

 

It is time to rip off the bandage that we have all been using to covering up this shame and start telling our stories. In doing so, we take back the power that Weinstein and monsters like him have had over us. In that vein, here are some of my #MyHarveyWeinstein moments:

 

  • A senior HR professional at the firm my father was one of the top people at.  I was 21, in my first job out of college. Dad’s office was two buildings away, so I would sometimes stop by to say hello to he and his Executive Assistant, who is like family to us. On this particular day, Dad was in a meeting, so I was at her cube. I leaned over the cube wall to look at something on her computer, and the guy stopped by to talk to us. As he stood next to me, he began to fondle my bottom. I was apparently green with disgust, because she brought me in to Dad’s office, where I told her what happened. He was fired within hours.
  • A Managing Director at an investment firm. He moved to Boston from the West Coast for the position. His wife and children had not yet made the move east, and he asked me to spend a weekend with him because “my [expletive] is lonely and wants to spend time with you”. I reported this to my boss. She told me that it was probably because he was from another country and had different views of how women should be treated and to drop it. Two weeks later, a highly respected female Portfolio Manager, who had been at the firm for several years, resigned. In her exit interview, she told me that he was the reason she was leaving. He had made comments like “You’re too old to [expletive] so you are of no use to me” and “old women should just leave the office. I want young and hot”. When I met with him to express concern over these comments, he became incensed and told me that he was going to ruin both her career and mine, and that I should have [expletive] him when I had the chance. When I filed an official complaint with Human Resources at our parent company, I was told that, as a Human Resources professional, I am expected to deal with challenging people and that if I could not handle comments like this I should leave. I did.
  • The CFO at a a financial services firm. Over the course of my tenure, he told me that, as a woman, I should be careful about not talking back to him. He told me that I was too pretty to have anything of substance to say, that if I was not careful, he would find a way to get me fired because he was sick and tired of women like me questioning him, and that I needed to put on some weight because men like curvier women. Keep in mind I was his peer, and the only woman on the executive management team.
  • The Founder/CEO of a banking client. His receptionist resigned, so I started looking for a qualified replacement. When I brought in four incredibly competent and qualified candidates, he dismissed them all. When I asked for feedback, he informed that “Unless I want to [expletive] them as much as I want to [expletive] you, they are not the right candidate. And find me one with [expletive] as good as yours.”
  • The Head of Inside Sales with a company I did consulting work for. I had just returned from an amazing island vacation. He came by my office to catch up, and asked how the vacation was. When I shared that we had a great time, he said that next time he should take me on vacation because “you have no idea the naughty things I want to do to you on a beach.”

 

Harassers, abusers, and [expletive] grabbers take note: We will no longer remain silent when you spew your vile words, will not cover up your abuse, and will not live in secrecy one minute longer. Keep it up and “Me Too” and use of #MyHarveyWeinstein may eventually include your names and addresses.

 

In the words of Alyssa Milano, “This is not an uncommon occurrence. This is a sick culture. Men like Harvey Weinstein are around every corner. Men who undermine women and their strength, ability, and intelligence exist everywhere.”  By sharing our experiences, maybe we can prevent the next generation from having to endure the Weinstein’s of the world.

 

With personalized service and proven results, Pillar Search & HR Consulting provides executive search and human resources consulting services for exceptional non-profits and socially responsible for-profit firms. A woman-owned business, Pillar is based in Boston, MA, and works on the national level. To learn more about how Pillar can assist with your HR and hiring needs, please contact Cindy Joyce, CEO, at cindy@pillarsearch.com.

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Hop or Not?

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There are many rewards and risks in job hopping, just as there can be lots of rewards and risks in a decision to stay with a current company. But they are not necessarily the same.  Should you job hop or not?

First, let’s understand why job-hopping has been and still is in vogue. Prior to the 1970s, large and medium sized companies were often considered to be paternalistic toward to their employees, to the latter’s delight, and employees often had a “job-for-life” approach to joining a company. Job security was a prominent reason, while job satisfaction, compensation and benefits vied for second place. By the 1970s, in part due to the Vietnam war, which brought into question the honesty and loyalty of big government and large companies, the olden days’ paternalistic scenarios began to break down, as did other factors: the demise of pension plans, large scale lay-offs in many companies in the chase for stock values, efficiency goals, cost-per-unit, and outsourcing of jobs overseas…and it continues to this day.

Fast forward to 2017. Job hoppers are viewed warily by some hiring managers, though they are embraced by others because they are considered to be adaptable, have seen a range of company sizes and approaches (perhaps even those of your competitors!), and have a larger network of contacts. And hiring managers, take note: millennials change jobs, on average, every 18-24 months, so this trend has no sign of slowing down.

What are the risks and rewards of job hopping?

  • Money:
    • Reward: The reward part seems obvious here! If your current salary/bonus/commission are below market, and your current firm is not willing to bring you up to an equitable rate, it may be time to start looking elsewhere.
    • Risk: Job-hopping for compensation alone is a losing battle. You might get the compensation you want, but not have all the positive attributes your current job provides. Be sure to also factor in your total compensation.       Beyond base salary, bonus, and commission (if applicable), how do benefits match up? Differences in health, dental, 401(k), stock options, vacation, sick time, commuting costs and the like add up, and that pay increase may actually cost you in the long run.
  • Fit with the company culture and mission/vision:
    • Reward: Finding a job with an organization with a strong culture, and with a product or service you really stand behind, or a nonprofit with a mission that you believe in with your heart and soul can be a magical thing.
    • Risk: The “magic” may make you overlook some other key things, like fit with the actual job or chemistry with your manager and colleagues. Be sure to dig deep to ensure that you are not taking the wrong job with the right organization.
  • Increased job satisfaction/more interesting work:
    • Reward: It is a great feeling to have work that satisfies you. Moving for even more satisfaction can help you to grow your skills and hone your craft. Another option: if you are the type who bores easily, you may want to consider joining the “gig economy” and look at doing consulting, where you can work on a project basis and do all kinds of different and interesting work.
    • Risk: If you are really, truly disinterested in the work you are doing, think long and hard about it. Is it really the current job, or is it the work itself? If it is the actual work, maybe you are ready for a larger-scale career change. Going someplace else may be a temporary fix, and once the novelty wears off, you may find yourself bored again. If your intuition tells you this may be the case, take a breather to figure out what type of work will fulfill you longer term.
  • Advancement opportunities:
    • Reward: Feeling like you can grow in your career is something that most people find to be essential, but sometimes you do have to go outside to make a move up.
    • Risk: If a better title is your primary motivator, make sure this career move ^^ is going to check some of the other boxes too…or accept that it may literally be a move JUST for a better title.       Also, consider talking to your current manager. Are there ways to advance within your current role by taking on new projects and honing specific skills?
  • A great manager/team:
    • Reward: Let’s suppose that the best manager you ever worked for calls you and asks that you come to his or her new company to work for them. Added bonus? Some of your favorite colleagues will also be joining the team. Or, suppose that you interview and the hiring manager is dynamic, smart, and easy to get along with, and the team members you met with seem committed, happy, and interesting. Ready to sign on the dotted line? I don’t blame you. Chemistry with your boss and colleagues can be a great thing.
    • Risk: In the case of following a manager to a new role, the risk is that you get there and the manager leaves, be it due to personal choice, layoff, his/her promotion, or restructuring. Or, in the case of joining a new manager, that person who seemed so great is…not so great. Do your research to see who your new boss and team are and what they are all about.
  • A startup that you think will take off in a major way:
    • Reward: Working at a startup can be rewarding on many levels. As it grows, your opportunity to take on more responsibility and learn multiple parts of the business will be there. If it takes off, it may result in a wealth event for both the company and you, especially if you can get equity early on.
    • Risk: Do your research on the market that the startup focuses on and the viability of their value proposition. Ask about funding sources, benefits, and if the founders are looking to grow the company, or are ultimately hoping to sell it…because you could end up working for another firm or find yourself out of a job if that happens!

All in all, job-hopping is a bet – but recent statistics show that most professionals will change jobs 9-10 times or more over their working life. Identifying the risks and mitigating them will help you be successful, whether you hop or not.

 

Cindy Joyce is the CEO of Pillar Search and HR Consulting.  With personalized service and proven results, Pillar Search and HR Consulting provides retained executive search and recruiting services as well as human resources consulting to for exceptional nonprofits and socially responsible for-profit organizations.  To learn more, please visit www.pillarsearch.com.