I am excited to have another article on Thrive Global! Read more about how to handle the dreaded office move on my Thrive page!
The Dreaded Office Move: 6 Tips for Navigating the Change
My Article, My Favorite Reference Question, Is Published on Thrive Global!
I am honored to have another article, My Favorite Reference Question, on Thrive Global!
My Article, They’re Just Not That Into You, Appears on Thrive Global!
I am proud to have another article, They’re Just Not That Into You, on Thrive Global!
Beware the Bully Boss
When we were very small, identifying the bully on the playground was easy. They were the ones the other kids were running away from. As we entered junior high and into high school, it was a bit more challenging but no less impossible. They were the Mean Girls (or boys) who left the crumbled self-esteem of their classmates in their wake as they walked the school halls. As adults, workplace bullies are just as prevalent. In the case of working for a bully boss, it is hard to identify easily, as you interview with someone for maybe an hour or two, and accept the job thinking they seemed nice, committed, and professional. You start the job with high hopes, and slowly realize that the Pollyanna that you interviewed with is, in fact, Attila the Hun.
According to the Workplace Bulling Institute, “bullying is a systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction that jeopardizes your health, your career, the job you once loved. Bullying is a non-physical, non-homicidal form of violence and, because it is violence and abusive, emotional harm frequently results. You may not be the first person to have noticed that you were bullied.” Their 2014 study on bullying found that:
- 27% have current or past direct experience with abusive conduct at work
- 72% of the American public are aware of workplace bullying
- Bosses are still the majority of bullies
- 72% of employers deny, discount, encourage, rationalize, or defend it
It has happened to me twice, and I would have thought that I was not a bully’s mark. While a schoolyard bully will target those they perceive to be weak, I am a leader, social, and competent. I am outspoken, and not afraid to stand my ground. It turns out that my profile, according to the Workplace Bulling Institute, is exactly what an adult bully targets, because in reality they are threatened, insecure, and jealous.
Bully Boss A was maniacal, verbally abusive, and would ask for one thing and then scream at me when I delivered the results, insisting she had asked for something else. If I took vacation, she would assign huge projects two days prior, telling me that if I did not complete the work, I was not allowed to leave. It was like working inside an active volcano. At least I did not take it personally, as she was public in her bullying, did it to most of us, and her entire senior management team left within four months of each other when we collectively decided that the situation was intolerable.
Bully Boss B operated in a subtler but no less sinister manner, conducting her psychological warfare in one-on-one meetings in private conference rooms or scathing emails. While I had great success in the role, she would constantly question my process, telling me it was not how she would do it. When I would ask for suggestions, she would wrinkle her nose, sneer at me, and tell me that I was too stupid to figure it out, yet in front of the rest of the team would say that I was doing a fantastic job and that they could learn a lot from me. Two days after one of my best friends died unexpectedly, Bully Boss #2 informed me that my mourning had better not interfere with my work (truly, she should be afraid of the bad karma from that comment alone). Veteran employees told me that she always had a target, to be patient, and that eventually it would fizzle out. When I stood up for myself in our private meetings and pushed back, she would beat a hasty retreat (as bullies do when confronted), saying that I was good at my job, she loved the quality of my work, and I needed to stop being so sensitive, but soon it would start up again, as cycles of abuse do.
Eventually, a dear friend sat me down and encouraged me to resign, with the advice that life is too short and I had too much to offer. It was affecting my relationships, my health, and my happiness. I was weepy, twitchy, and in a constant state of panic. To escape quickly, I found two consulting roles to keep me engaged while figuring out my next move. Sadly, during my notice period, I saw that she had moved on from me and found another target, the newest person on the team. Bullies certainly have patterns.
The advice to leave was some of the best I have ever received, because I was never going to change her, and the only way to protect my own sanity was to remove myself from that toxic situation. If you are in a situation with a Bully Boss, get out as soon as possible. You did nothing to cause it and do not deserve this pain. Trust me, there are plenty of well-adjusted, wonderful bosses out there who will value you and your contributions.
Cindy Joyce is the CEO of Pillar Search & HR Consulting. Pillar provides national executive search services for exceptional non-profits and foundations and socially responsible for-profit firms desiring top talent who want an occupassion, not just an occupation. In addition, Pillar offers human resources consulting services including leadership coaching, human resources audits, handbooks, assessing organizational design, training, team building, and employee communications. A woman-owned business, Pillar is based in Boston, MA, and works on both the local and national level. For more information, please visit www.pillarsearch.com or email Cindy at cindy@pillarsearch.com.
My Latest Article – Should Resumes be a Photo-Free Zone – is on Thrive Global!
I am proud to have another article, Should Resumes be a Photo-Free Zone, on Thrive Global!
My Latest Article on Thrive Global!
I am proud to have another article, Keep Calm and New Hire On, on Thrive Global!
Providing Support to Employees in a Time of Grief
When a colleague gets married or has a baby, we have a party. When someone is seriously ill, we send food or flowers. If someone’s job is eliminated, we offer support by way of networking and helping them brush up their resume. But, sadly, sometimes we lose an employee, and there is no playbook for how to handle that. Obituaries do not include that someone has left behind coworkers, but when the worst happens, their coworkers feel the loss in a very real and profound manner, and we need to find better tools to support employee grief. .
The recent tragic deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain got me thinking not only about their family’s suffering, but also their colleagues. We spend a lot of time at work, and get to know some of our staff and colleagues quite well. It can rock the most resilient among us to our core, both because it is an unwelcome reminder of our mortality and because this person was a constant presence in our lives. As leaders in an organization, we need to create a safe place for people to express their feelings of sadness, loss, and hurt. While there is no perfect answer, here are a few suggestions on how to support your employees when the worst happens.
- Inform, and do it quickly. An email is a good way to let everyone know at once, but for those who worked very closely with the person, make a personal call or share the news in person. Check with the family to ensure that your level of detail is appropriate to their wishes. Having a communication plan will support a culture of being open and transparent and will help squelch the ugly rumor mill.
- Have a meeting with the entire team. If yours is a small organization, bring everyone together. Make it optional for employees to attend, as not all will feel comfortable attending, but make it mandatory for leadership to be there. Employees need to know that everyone, especially those at the top, are feeling this loss, and as we know, what happens at the top trickles down. If key leaders are missing, it will send the wrong message.
- If the person reported to you or someone on your team, or if many of your colleagues worked closely with them, meet with each member of your team one-on-one at least every few days in the beginning. A private meeting gives them an opportunity to share feelings they may not want to express in a larger group, and it will go a long way in building trust.
- Engage your EAP, and I don’t mean simply handing out their number. Have someone on-site, at least for the first few days so that employees who are struggling or just need to talk it out have that opportunity with a professional grief counselor.
- Give time off to those who wish to attend any services and be understanding of those who do not attend. People grieve in different ways, so it is important to honor and respect that.
- If possible, give your team the option of working from home. Some people need alone time to process their feelings.
- Be empathetic. While some people will process and move on, others, particularly those who were friends with or worked closely with the deceased, will have feelings of sadness for a longer time. Check in with those people who are struggling and offer ongoing support and resources. Keep the EAP’s number handy for those employees who struggle longer-term with the loss or find grief counselors in your area that you can refer them to.
- When time has passed, do something to honor the employee. I’ve seen this done a lot of wonderful ways, including naming a conference room after them, making a charitable donation if the family had asked for donations in lieu of flowers, establishing a scholarship for a student studying in their field of work, or hosting a volunteer day in their memory. It gives employees an opportunity to come together, celebrate their life, and do something positive in their memory.
It will take time for employees to recover, and while there is no one-size-fits-all approach, taking steps to ensure their well-being in a difficult time can go a long way in their recovery.
With personalized service and proven results, Pillar Search & HR Consulting provides retained executive search services and human resources consulting for exceptional non-profits and socially responsible for-profit firms. A woman-owned business, Pillar is based in Boston, MA, and works on the national level. To learn more about how Pillar can assist with your hiring and human resources needs, please contact Cindy Joyce at cindy@pillarsearch.com.
